Real Talk...

The Panicked Vegan.

The.

Panicked.

Vegan.

We have already discussed the vegan part, and it will not be the last time we talk about that, but let's set things straight about the other part of my blog name...

Panicked.

PANIC.

This has become a huge part of my life.  Has it been easy?  No.  Is it something I wish I didn't have to live with?  Sometimes.  Has it made me stronger?  Absolutely.

I do realize in this day and age it is typically normal for one to experience anxiety at one time or another.  Everything is so fast paced and "in your face" that stress can take a toll on a person and usually the end result is something having to do with their mental health.  I just never realized that it could happen to me too.   I had always had small anxieties over your "normal" life problems, but never did I expect it to really hit me this hard.


There were so many things that were going really well in my life.  I was working as a teacher of children with Autism, we were about to take an amazing Disney vacation and I just had so many loving people all around me.  Then...

BAM!!!!!!!

It really hit me like a ton of bricks.  Have you ever felt that feeling of impending doom?  It isn't fun, and I honestly would never wish it on my worst enemy.  I remember the moment it hit too.  I was in a huge room full of over 100 people, and I was right in the front.  I was so far away, or it felt like I was so far away, from any way out.  I needed to get out.  I needed to escape.  The walls were closing in on me, and I was starting to sweat.  I felt like everyone's eyes were on me, when in reality, that wasn't the case.  Then, I started to feel sick to my stomach.  This was it, I either had to get out NOW or I was going to be sick in front of all these people.  I ran out to the bathroom, and I was fine.  I didn't feel sick, I wasn't hot, nothing.  I went back in, and the same thing began to happen again.  I couldn't handle this.  I took my stuff out and went back into the bathroom to calm down.  After a few minutes, I went back into the room and sat in the back.  I felt so much better.  There was cool air back there, and I was close to the door in case the panic came back.  It didn't, and I thought that was the end of it. All i could think was, "I hope that was the end of it."   But guess what?  I wasn't that lucky.

The next couple of weeks were not easy.  I was having panic attacks every single day, some days not so bad, but others I was a mess.  I knew that I needed some type of help to get me through this, although I didn't want to believe it.  I did go see my GP, who referred me to see a therapist.  I finally decided that I wasn't going to heal on my own, so my best bet was to go talk with someone.  I've been seeing her since April of this year, and she really has helped me.  It wasn't enough though, and I finally had to give in to giving medication a try.  I most likely wouldn't have done so, had I not met someone who had been going through the same thing for many years.  I am so grateful for her friendship and the help she has been giving me along the way.

It has been a process, and will always be a process, but I am getting stronger every day and I refuse to give up.  If I can offer any advice to someone going through the same thing, it would be this...

Please, get help.  You don't need to feel scared, anxious or panicky every single day of your life.  That isn't a life, it is no way to live.  There is hope.  It will take time, but you will get there.  If you need support, reach out to someone, or even reach out to me.  I will be there for you.   Just know that you are NOT alone.

Until next time,

Jill  xoxo